A Funny Story

Because reading anything on the internet lately is heartbreaking, stressful, and terrifying — So I’m going to do what I do best in any situation that leaves me questioning humanity… and that’s changing the subject to something that’s maybe a little funny and not so serious. It’s a talent, really. I’ve been good at it my entire life so why stop now? Let’s get started so I can possibly make your day a little better.

clothes-on-hangers

 

It was over the Summer. My husband was about to go away for weapons school (it’s a thing) so he had some time off and was able to spend it with Maddie and myself. We were pretty excited because ya know, he’s been gone most of the year and we were thrilled that he was actually hanging around. It was a couple days before he was supposed to leave and we thought it would be fun to go to the mall (we like to live on the edge.) I just stopped nursing and the clothes hanging in my closet were just blah, and everything fit blahish, and the styles were full of blah. I had nothing to wear.. NOTHING.. so it was time to do a little shopping and who’s a better shopping buddy than my ever-so-honest husband? NO ONE.

So there we were. Banana, Jcrew, the Gap. All brands I love because they have Talls and can fit my giant arms and man shoulders. That day in particular though, nothing was right. Nothing was fitting. Everything I tried on looked great on the hanger but something for a 3 year old on my body. #tallgirlproblems is a serious thing, people.

And Nate agreed. Every time I tried something on, I would walk out of the dressing room and show him.

“No”

“Ehhh….”

“You have better”

All words that made you want to set those clothes on fire. Because although he was totally right… he’s not allowed to agree when I say I look bad. It’s a vow they took the day they married us.. amiright.

The last stop was the Gap. They had a good Summer/Fall collection so I was confident KNOWING I would find at least something to wear. I was grabbing things left and right hoping one item would fit me perfectly and I would leave the mall with a successful find. Off to the dressing room I went for the moment of truth.

Item 1 was ok, not great, but better than what I was trying on previously. I walked out to show Nate and he responded with his usual, “ehhhhh” so I went back to try on something else.

Item 2 “No”

Item 3, 4, 5 “You have better”

Item 6, 7, 8 “Do you really like that?”

[If you’re wondering why I brought him to the mall that day, you’re not alone. This is why I shop by myself.]

I was done trying things on. It was a day that I wasn’t going to find anything and that’s ok. There will always be another store, another season, and another time when I feel and look better. Today just wasn’t that day and I accepted it. I put on my original clothes, grabbed my stuff, and left a dressing room full of clothes too big, too small, and just not right for me.

“NOOOO WAYYYYY!” I hear.

It’s Nate.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“There is no way you like that!! It doesn’t fit right. It’s too big here and too small there!!!”

He hadn’t expressed such strong feelings towards ANY of the other clothes… was he messing with me?

“But honey….” I said.

“That is definitely not your style” he finished with.

“Well….. hate to break it to you… but these are MY clothes. This is MY SHIRT.”

“No they aren’t. You weren’t wearing that!!! I know for a fact that is NOT what you wore here.”

“Uhhhh…. yeah, this is my shirt.”

We both start laughing and you can see that he’s turning a little red. I had him check the tag and he saw that it was NOT a Gap shirt. We were crying from laughing so hard and it is possibly my favorite husband/wife story we have made thus far. I’m not sure HOW he didn’t know what I wore to the mall that day… it just goes to show that he really doesn’t pay close attention to what I look like.

And it’s because of that reason, that what I wear around him truly doesn’t matter. But let’s be honest, when you look good you feel good, no matter if your husband is paying attention or not. Weeks later, I eventually found several new tops, bottoms, and booties. I chopped my hair off and freshened my highlights and started a new make-up brand that I’m loving. The only time Nate noticed was when he looked at our bank account…. to which I responded with,

“ehhhhh”

We laugh every time one of us tells that story. It’s a keeper.

If you have a funny story to share… you should share it. The internet needs more of them.

-Max